In this post, we will look at what causes us to lose control of our lives, the mental state that makes us feel victim and we have no idea how to change the situation
I will share 9 simple but profound steps or actions that you can take to feel empowered and shift your mindset.
In order to understand the state of mind that makes us feel powerless and we will look at the background understanding as follows
Victim mentality is formed through personality traits in which an individual tends to identify or consider themselves a victim of negative actions of others or negative hat circumstances, being wrong done by others or suffered misfortune by no fault of his own. One feels like a perpetual victim and have accepted victimhood as an inescapable reality. One feels everyone is against them and do not wish well for them, things are never going in your favor, you have a series of unfavorable incidences.
There is a cognitive method to break the pattern of thoughts and mental analysis to identify why one feels like a victim, in major cases, some things have gone wrong in the past, some broke your trust, had a heartbreak, something happened 10 years ago and you are still blaming yourself or others by holding a grudge and want to take revenge. something may have happened 20 years ago, but you are still self-sabotaging yourself.
The following are 9 actionable steps or hacks that can be used to overcome this victim mentality and become free from your own prison of your brain.
- Stop blaming others
Stop playing the blame game, Blaming others will not make you better than them and it will make you feel powerless over your situation or scenario. Ask yourself some genuine questions, how am I showing up in the world?, Why I am looking to blame others?, Look yourself in the mirror, ask yourself what is in your control and just do that because you cannot control the behaviors of others. You always have a choice to choose your response in a given situation.
Blaming someone may give you temporary relief, but in the long term, it builds up guilt and shame which further adds to victimization.
- Take Responsibility/Ownership
Take ownership Of your life, whatever strengths and weaknesses you have, work through them by accepting them. Define what is important to you and what really matters and do it for yourself, Hold yourself accountable to yourself, not beat yourself up but by becoming aware of what you could have done better in a particular situation earlier and implement it next time.
- Acknowledge your needs and wants
Often times, we are shamed and made guilty of taking care of our needs and wants, by someone saying to us, “You are selfish”, or “You only think about yourself”, Don’t wait for anyone else to do it for You, stand up for yourself. Learn to create boundaries for yourself by defining your core values
Practice saying “no” to something you don’t want to do or don’t feel like doing, because you don’t have obligations to anyone
- Be compassionate to yourself and others
Use self-love and non-judgment towards yourself, be compassionate and love yourself enough, just because someone in the past made you feel unworthy, or one of your close family members told you that, “Oh you are so stupid, you don’t have any common sense”, it doesn’t make you unworthy, it is just their perception or approach. Don’t let people bring you down, don’t let that make your morale fail
Now if you compassionate to yourself and have self-love, you are going to treat others the same, as the external world is just a reflection of how you treat yourself
You are going to spend your whole life with one person that is you, have a great relationship with yourself.
- Resist Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage comes from the idea that your life should go in a certain manner and if it doesn’t go that way that we doom ourselves, we beat ourselves for it, we compare our real lives with the reel life or highlights of other people, then we suffer.
It all comes down to one thing, CONTROL, We try to control everything and hold ourselves in front of unrealistic standards
As someone who is equipped with a victim mentality, they are always prone to expect a disaster lurking around the corner which induces fear and one tries to control everything
Let go of control and let things be, do what’s in your control and let it be, accept what life throws at you.
Its counter-intuitive, as we compare it to the title of this blog, however, in this case, it helps us gain control of our lives
- Perform acts of kindness
When you feel like a victim, thinking, life is not fair, why it always happens to you? why me? you are fully hyper-focused on yourself and your powerlessness
Turn your attention to others in need, to people who are less fortunate than you, people who are suffering and going through lot of pain in their lives, we don’t realize what people go through and what they have faced, always be kind do small acts of kindness, even though you know they can’t give it back to you, do it without expecting anything in return, a genuine sense of caring and love
- Practice Gratitude“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.”
It is practically impossible to feel like a victim when you are grateful for what you have. Always look how far you have come and blessings you are bestowed upon. Even an event that happened that looks negative on the surface has taught you some important lessons in life, ask yourself what did I learn from it?
Learn to give it a different perspective and look at the bigger picture, what life is trying to teach you, it is shaping you in some way to become your best.
Practice gratitude and be thankful for even the hardest of experiences in life
- Forgive and let go
When you hold on to resentment and anger towards others or someone who has hurt you, you feel more victimized and you feel imprisoned by your own brain. learn to let go and forgive, not for their sake, do it for the sake of yourself.
I know its counter-intuitive to even hear “Forgive them”, but that is the only way to set yourself free, I am not saying if someone hurt you, they did it right. we have to understand everyone is doing their best they can at where they are.
Forgiveness is not a weakness, I am not saying that we should be excusing the wrongdoings by others, or having reconciliation with and getting in touch, but it is just about letting go and moving on with your life.
I am aware that letting go is the hardest thing you can ever do in life, but its the most powerful thing,
FORGIVING OTHERS IS SAME AS FORGIVING YOURSELFUse ho’oponopono meditation, where you learn to let go, where you repeat four statements or 4 steps:
Step 1: Repentance – I’M SORRY. …
Step 2: Ask Forgiveness – PLEASE FORGIVE ME. …
Step 3: Gratitude – THANK YOU. …
Step 4: Love – I LOVE YOU.
You can listen to the meditation I created or search one on youtube, Click here to listen to it
- Meditate and practice mindfulness
Have a Meditation practice, close your eyes and find the source of victimizing events or spoken words you heard from your family or the voices from the outside world that made your mindset one of the victims. perhaps you were bullied in school or made fun of one of your special gifts, or your uniqueness.
Find the source where you accepted and identified yourself as a victim, find the underlying source of your negativity and take it off from the roots. Shift your identity every single day to where you wanna be, let go of the old self to bring in the new. Practice mindfulness and bring the issues to the light of your awareness to be neutral and non-judgmental about yourself. Challenge your perception and your beliefs by adopting the new ones and letting go of one that doesn’t serve you anymore
Importance of letting go
We often hold on to pain, resentment, anger, frustration, hatred, and grudges. they cause us so much suffering and keeps us in a victim mentality
We have to break free from the conditioning and the pattern of thought that keep us in lower vibrational states of guilt and shame, rise above them.
It is not about getting more in life to feel fulfilled it is always about letting go of anything that no longer serves us for our highest good.
Embody the highest virtues, Love, compassion, kindness, empathy, non-judgment, joy, fulfillment, abundance, etc
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I thank you for reading this blog and helping yourself to expand your own awareness and knowledge base.